I am the biggest outsider when it comes to this topic. But I want to push myself outside of my comfort zone. I grew up in an atheist household. My parents wanted to give me the choice to learn about religion myself. My mom wanted to give me the opportunity that her parents never gave her. So when I heard about this presentation about women’s rituals I knew that I would attend.

I step into a room filled with rows of chairs. The room is brightly lit by the rays of sunlight shining through the windows. The slight aroma of cheese fills my nose. There are students talking amongst themselves while enjoying some pizza. I take off my backpack and take a seat in the back of the room so I can have the best view of everything going on inside it. I look around and see rows of bookshelves against the walls. There is a couch in the front and a table with high stools next to the window. A lady walks through the door and into the room and asks if anyone else wants pizza. There are stacks of boxes, plenty for everyone there. I feel my stomach growling, and I think about how I haven’t eaten anything since I woke up in the morning. I can’t eat it though, I have to focus on writing my field notes.  Everyone is talking and I watch while the presenter is preparing her presentation. They press the power button on the projector and the presenter plugs in her laptop. The light spews from the projector on the wall. It seems dimly lit in comparison to the bright sunlight packing the room. It might have been a bit harder for me to see since I was all the way in the back of the room. She pulls up a blank screen and waits for the time to become 12:30. It seems like an observing game between her and me. She is looking around the room, probably preparing herself to present. I am looking around the room as well noticing her eyes glancing around the room. 

The lady gets up from her chair and grabs the attention of everyone in the room. She introduces herself as Annie and explains how what she is about to teach us changed her life as a woman. She explains that she is a historian and she is going to talk about her research and how it overlapped with her personal life. She goes on to explain how history is dominated by the male elite so it is much harder to learn about the other 99% which includes women. 

She pulls up the first slide. She starts to talk but I feel myself drifting away into my thoughts. At this moment I feel like an outsider. Everyone is socializing, eating pizza, and having a good time. I feel disconnected from the moment. My brain is thinking about everything that’s happening so it’s like I’m spreading my mind so thin that I’m not even present. My mind is racing my fingers to type all of the information and everything that’s happening into the notes app on my phone. I realize that I’m the only person in the room taking notes. I feel like an outsider even more. I begin to feel grateful for all the times that I could enjoy presentations without trying my best to type everything that is happening on my tiny keyboard.  Everybody is paying attention while I’m on my phone. It seems disrespectful of me but if anyone confronts me I’ll just let them know I’m taking notes. I think back to all the dreadful mornings when I have to wake up early to attend English class. I think about Professor Dalton explaining insider and outsider perspectives. I think about the spatial gaze. I try to make my field notes make the reader feel like they’re in my shoes. I realize since the start of this moment he’s been preparing me for this very moment so I can make this field notes essay. Someone makes a joke and everyone starts laughing. I get out of my head and realize that I should watch the presentation. 

The talk is about forgotten women’s rituals yet I notice there is not a big disparity between the number of boys and girls. There are people of all ages who attended. She explains how, “we know a lot about the pilgrims, the holocaust, and antisemitism, but not a lot about how the people lived. The female ideal was a businesswoman who would handle material so men could study the Torah. Women were in charge of money but they didn’t own the money. The men held everything. The spiritual realm is men’s business. It is difficult to find texts that women write. The woman was thought to not have a good afterlife if her son and husband were not good scholars. Lullabies are one of the sources that are written by women but they are dismissed by many scholars.”

Annie moves to the next slide and asks if anyone wants to read. The whole room has been silent aside from Annie’s voice. I’m shocked as a student quickly raises their hand as if they’ve been waiting the whole time for this moment. The slides explore rituals that women would do. “During burning soul candles they would name biblical figures than their ancestors. They call on them asking them to help us. A common theme in tekhines was women’s rituals. Women were highly respected in this field and were paid the same as priests. Their work was acknowledged as sacred. During weddings, the bride will walk around the groom 7 times. This was started as a practice to protect him from demons. Young unmarried women were given special roles. Midwives also have a specific spiritual role. Birth is when the soul moves from the spiritual realm to life. The midwife is there to help with that transition. The role of the midwife overlapped with a healer. Lullabies were found to have incantation in them. Women can get the attention of God to help save people’s life. Mourning women help people express grief.” As she progresses through the information in the slides I become more and more shocked. I had no clue that women at the time practiced these things. She ends the presentation and asks the audience if they have any questions. I let out a sigh of relief as I get up out of the stiff metal chair. 

In this context, I think that women are treated unjustly. They are not given the credit they deserve. These women were very skilled. Annie explained how “ Lullabies are one of the sources that are written by women but they are dismissed by many scholars,” I think it is morally wrong to dismiss these sources. Additionally, I believe that the fact, the “Female ideal was a businesswoman who would handle material so men could study the Torah. Women were in charge of money but they didn’t own the money.” is problematic. The women had to work to get the money but they were not in charge of it. This does not concur with the Bible, “ In her relationship to the male human, the woman is described as his counterpart and equal partner, holding an intimate relationship as a collective team, a team that is necessary for the performance of God’s plans for humanity and the wider creation (e.g. Gn 1:28; Ps 24:1). (Bøsterud,2021)”   “Pertaining to the creation of the woman, Scripture does not only support her as a full human being but also differentiates her as superior to other creatures alongside her counterpart, the male human being (Gn 1:26-27; 2:18-24). (Bøsterud,2021)” Women are supposed to be equal to men so it is unjust for the female ideal to be the one who handles money while leaving men to study the Torah and the spiritual realm. Annie’s presentation makes it clear that women are just as good if not better with work in the spiritual realm. This is supported by the article by Bøsterud, “In line with the above, it can responsibly be argued that the female spiritual leaders with titles like apostle or deacon were real-life leaders in practice, their titles being much more than honorary (e.g. Rm 16:1, 7). These females received their titles because of their own capabilities and skills, not through marriage or by way of any other male derivation (Frymer-Kensky 2004; Hylen 2018). (Bøsterud,2021)”  

During my interview, Professor Wasserman explains the background of the bible. She explains the differences between the Hebrew bible and the Christian bible. As she states, “The Jews have always kept the same order for 2500 years. Christians tried to reorder it in a better way. The Hebrew bible has all the same books as the old testament just in a different order. The old testament took 1400 years to write in comparison to only 200 years for the new testament so the new testament is much more organized.” 

In conclusion, attending this presentation allowed me to observe a room full of people and grow as a writer. I learned about some of the rituals that women performed in the past. It highlights the importance of recognizing women both in history and today.